We went to visit Corgan as soon as we got up this morning...Shane slept on the chair again last night...at 12h00 a feeding tube was inserted into Corgan's mouth and he was fed 0,5ml of Colostrum...We were in and out of the NICU the whole day...When Dr Nagel came to see me he told me that medical aid would allow him to keep me for until tomorrow now that my baby has been born...I said I would like to go home today...I was so miserable and confused...I didn't know if I wanted to be here at the hospital or anywhere for the matter...I just felt numb...I wasn't really sore from the C-section, I don't think my mind would allow me to feel the pain...I didn't even take any pain medication...I had only asked for an injection the day Corgan had arrived...Shane discovered that the car battery was dead...he got some car guards to give him a push start...he drove around the block and then came back to the hospital...Kerry from discovery came to visit me and see how everything is going...When we left the hospital I sobbed the whole way home...I was pregnant, I had my baby and now I am going home without him...? I felt so heart broken :( We basically went home, dropped off my stuff and went straight back to see Corgan...I was feeling like I missed him...I missed feeling him kicking inside of my...I missed knowing that he was there, in my belly...I missed knowing that he was allright...Shane's father came to see his grandson tonight...Corgan's shades were lifted for a few minutes, we could see his forehead and his closed eyes...he was given another 0,5ml of milk...he is tolerating it well...In the evening Corgan was very restless...we could see him silently crying...he didn't make a sound due to being on the ventilator...that was so heart breaking...seeing your baby cry...not hearing him...not being able to do a single thing...I let Corgan hold my finger...he gripped it so tightly - he was much stronger than I expected he would be...He calmed down for a little while and then became restless again...he kept yanking at the ET tube going down his nose. When we left he was still restless...his heartbeat over 210 bpm. It was very distressing and sadly upsetting. We noticed that the skin on his arms seemed slightly yellow and wondered if it was the start of Jaundice as predicted by the doctors and nurses...When we left I cried the whole way home...even worse than leaving your baby, is leaving your baby when he seems so distressed...later at home I could hear an emotional Shane talking to his sister on the phone...when he hung up he sat by himself for a few minutes sobbing...
No comments:
Post a Comment