At about 04h00 I woke up with hectic stomach cramps...I got up to go to the bathroom...I could feel I was bleeding..when I got to the bathroom there was so much blood...I was passing huge clots of blood...I rang the alarm for the nurse, Dot...she took me to the “First Stage Labour” room...she checked my blood pressure, inserted a new drip and phoned Dr Nagel...She could only pick up my heartbeat and not the baby’s...Dr Nagel told her to check if I had started diallating and I had...at this point I was bleeding very heavily...blood would go through three or four maternity pads at once...I was so scared, I had never seen so much blood before…I felt quite horrible, yet quite numb at the same time...I was so glad that Shane refused to go home last night…I was prepped for surgery...Dot, told us that she did not want to upset us but she needed to know whether we wanted a burial should anything go wrong...Shane said that we would only think of that should the need arise...Someone came to do a blood compound to order blood in case I needed a blood transfusion...Dr Nagel found the baby’s heartbeat when he checked...he discussed the options with us...he recommended an emergency Caesarean...he said he was not keen to stall and wait for the blood to arrive in case the placenta or baby did not survive long enough and I was losing a lot of blood...he said he would use the ICU’s emergency blood if I needed it...he also said he thinks I should have general anaesthetic to save time and because he was not sure what to expect once we’re in the theatre...he warned that it could be a miscarriage or a still birth, and even if the baby was born alive who knew what would happen next, he said the main thing now is that we need to get the baby out a.s.a.p because now it is a risk for both the baby and I...He also said that Shane would not be allowed to be present for the birth...Dr Nagel said he would try to get Dr Egner to come as he is very good at “looking after these little babies”... Then Doctor Cloetee came and also recommended General Anaesthetic...I was taken to theatre...my husband was allowed in just to come say goodbye...all I could think about was that I may not get to meet my baby…I might not even see my husband again…I was put to sleep at about 05h15 and Corgan was born at 05h23, 14 weeks/3 months premature...a few minutes after that Shane saw Dot and Dr Egner come rushing past, Dr Egner said that they were having some difficulty and he would speak to Shane later...I woke up in the Recovery Room at about 05h50...the first thing I asked was “Where is my husband?”...he was already standing next to me...I was too afraid to ask about my baby...I remember saying that I really needed to pee...and being told that I have a catheter so I should just go ahead... Dr Egner came to fetch my husband...
Once I was settled in a private ward in the Maternity ward (arranged by management, as they thought we may need privacy) my husband returned grinning from ear to ear...the first thing he said was “He’s perfect....he is really tiny but he is so perfect...” he then told me that our son actually weighed about 100g less than predicted earlier in the week...520g...He said he took a photo to show me...
He said he had told them that his name is Corgan...Before my husband and I even started dating I had asked him if we could name our son Corgan one day...It comes from William Patrick Corgan (Billy Corgan) of the Smashing Pumpkins...they are one of both of our all time favourite bands... a little while later Dr Egner came to see me and tell me that my son was in a stable condition in the NICU...that was the longest day of my life...I refused to sleep, still weary from the anaesthetic, I kept wanting to go and see my baby...I eventually got to see him at about 9pm...And I was absolutely stunned...the photos really did not show how tiny he really was...it was so unreal...he was perfect...It felt like a thunder storm of emotions happening inside of me during that first meeting…so happy that he is alive, and so amazingly perfect…but also so sad to see my baby so tiny, with so many things attached to him…and to feel so helpless…I could hardly see his face as he had “shades” on and these hideous earmuffs and a little white hat on, and the strappings for the ventilator tube took up most of his tiny little face, I could just see his little mouth…his legs were as thin as my pinkie finger…his arms were waving around as if he was trying to find something...he had already made his first bowel movement which they said was a good sign...he has arterial lines going into his belly button...some of his toes have gone a bit brown from the umbilical catheter...he has Cardio-respiratory monitor leads – one on either side of his chest and one on his left side...there is a temperature probe attached to his right side...there's a drip in his left arm...the smallest size Endotracheal tube inserted into his right nostril, it look uncomfortable…There is an Oximeter probe on his foot, the nurses alternate it between my hands and feet...For now he's being “fed” with TPN…he has lanugo on his body still…the Sister looking after him allowed us to touch him for a few brief moments...he is considered a “minimal handling” baby because he is still supposed to be in my womb and therefore not ready to be handled...back in the ward I was emotional and exhausted...
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